"Kinda Like Necrophilia" - Season 5

When Jake is dumped by a girl for the first time, Alan tries to make him feel better by talking about the first time he was dumped. It was in high school and the girl, Charity, dumped him the night before a big dance. Charlie's advice to Jake is to find the prettiest girl, because the prettiest ones are the loneliest, and ask her out because all the other guys will be afraid to.

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Later, Alan has a drink or two and starts reminiscing about Charity and wonders why she dumped him. He pulls out his old year book and decides to call her. Charlie tells him nothing good can come from drunk dialing an old girlfriend.

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Alan reaches Charity on the phone and asks her why she dumped him right before the dance. She tells him to ask his brother.

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The next day, Jake takes Charlie's advice and asks out a pretty girl. It works: she says yes. Meanwhile, Alan can't stop giving Charlie a hard time about stealing Charity, but Charlie doesn't think twice about it and leaves.

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Gabrielle, Charlie's current flame, drops by looking for Charlie who hasn't been answering his phone. Alan seizes the opportunity to bond with her emotionally and they set up a date. Charlie comes home and sees the two of them hitting it off on the porch.

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He puts a horrible guilt trip on Alan, but eventually says that he should continue dating Gabrielle. A vindicated Alan goes out with Gabrielle, but when things become intimate she lies on her bed like a robot and tells him to get it over with.

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Alan realizes that Charlie wanted to get rid of Gabrielle all along and had him do his dirty work.

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Making matters even worse for Alan, Charlie connects with ex-girlfriend Charity a second time.

"Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids (aka Tight's Good)" - Season 5

Teddy and Evelyn have gotten engaged and Charlie and Alan are miserably bored at their engagement party.

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Teddy's daughter Courtney soon arrives - who Evelyn doesn't get along with - but, who Charlie is instantly attracted to.

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Teddy warns Charlie to stay away from his daughter. Courtney sells high-end cars and she sets up an appointment for Charlie to check out her cars.

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While showing Charlie the Ferrari, Courtney is clearly hitting on him but Charlie is trying to honor Teddy's wishes and hesitantly turns her down.

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The next day Courtney drops by the house with keys to a Bentley that she wants Charlie to test drive. Still hitting on Charlie, Jenny asks him what he's got to lose and seconds later, they end up in bed. Later, Teddy and Evelyn come over to ask Charlie if they can have the wedding at Charlie's house.

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Charlie tells Courtney to make herself scarce and not come downstairs while he deals with Teddy and Evelyn. When Teddy asks Charlie and Alan if they would do the honor and stand up for him at the wedding, music blares from upstairs and Charlie panics. Charlie bolts upstairs and Courtney tells him she was bored and wanted to listen to music. He temporarily gets her to be quiet only to have her blast the music again when he goes back downstairs.

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Frantic, he runs back upstairs and asks her what it's going to take to shut her up so he can go downstairs and deal with Teddy and Evelyn. There's only one thing she wants: for Charlie to buy that Ferrari. He caves. On his way out, Teddy (who knew Courtney was there all along), tells Charlie he warned him about staying away from his daughter: she's a sociopath.

"Is There a Mrs. Waffles?" - Season 5

Charlie's jingle writing for children is taking off and he's become a huge sensation.

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He even has his own infomercials.

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Known as Charlie Waffles, Charlie is required to make CD signing appearances at children's book stores.

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He decides to make the most of it by using his charm and popularity to pick up moms.

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This overnight success results in the record label throwing a big concert at the local civic center auditorium.

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When Charlie refuses to go, Alan discovers that Charlie has suffered from stage fright all of his life. Becoming a jingle writer kept him from needing to go on stage.

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The record label threatens to sue Charlie for not honoring his contract obligations.

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Realizing he's got to go on, he gets drunk before he takes the stage.

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While Alan is horrified at Charlie's immature stage antics (not to mention resentful at his recent success), the kids and their moms love Charlie. He's a hit!

"The Leather Gear is in the Guest Room" - Season 5

When Alan comes home with a new glass vase, Charlie thinks it's the ugliest thing and refuses to allow it in the house. Alan complains to Charlie that he doesn't have an equal say in their home's décor.

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The next day, Charlie brings home a woman, and mid-seduction he sees the new candy-filled vase displayed in the living room. Charlie is so angered he can't even close the deal with his new friend. After Alan and Charlie argue, Alan grabs Jake and heads for Evelyn's house, interrupting a romantic evening that Evelyn and Teddy (Robert Wagner) had planned.

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The next morning, Teddy tries to have a heart-to-heart talk with Alan. He tells Alan that he had an older brother who treated him badly after taking him in, so he left the house. He never spoke to his brother again, and he regrets it every day. Alan doesn't buy it.

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Teddy then goes to Charlie's house and has the same talk with Charlie, who doesn't fall for it either. Teddy goes back to Evelyn's and they have a huge argument about Alan being at the house.

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Evelyn makes her move, heading for Charlie's house with a suitcase. Charlie has to swallow his pride and apologize to Alan in order to get him back, thereby preventing his mother from moving in.

"Help Daddy Find His Toenail" - Season 5

Alan forbids Jake from going to a concert with his friend and his 17-year-old brother, but a defiant Jake sneaks out of the house anyway.

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Meanwhile, Charlie learns that Linda is being honored at a banquet but she has yet to ask him to go with her.

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When Charlie confronts Linda about it, she asks him to attend the banquet, which happens to be on the same night of Jake's concert.

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Evelyn offers Charlie a pill to calm his nerves but accidentally gives him a pill from the wrong bottle.

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Unfortunately, Charlie makes a fool of himself at the banquet and embarrasses Linda.

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Later, Alan catches Jake and Charlie sneaking back into the house via Jake's bedroom window.

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The next morning, Charlie's behavior at the banquet has made the newspaper, with a photo of himself making devil horns behind Linda as she accepts her award.

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Charlie goes to Linda's chambers to beg for forgiveness, but she breaks up with him.

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Afterwards, a sulking and depressed Charlie orders takeout, but his spirits lift when a pretty, young delivery girl is at the door.

"Putting Swim Fins On A Cat" - Season 5

Alan panics over the household finances because Charlie hasn't sold a jingle in a while. Looking for ways to cut back, he goes to Berta, who won't even consider taking a temporary pay cut.

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Judith is no help either, refusing when Alan asks if he can cut back on child support.

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Charlie tells Alan it's not a big deal; he shouldn't worry so much about money.

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Unable to sit back and let the cards fall where they may, Alan decides to enroll in a paid medical trial for a pharmaceutical company which results in him getting a rash and having his hair fall out.

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Meanwhile, Charlie meets Linda's four-year-old son Brendan and finds the best way to communicate with him is to sing him little songs. Charlie makes a CD of the songs for Brendan to listen to when he's away.

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Linda's ex-husband, who happens to be in the music business, hears the CD and offers Charlie an advance and wants to get it recorded. Charlie jumps at the chance--it looks like Alan's worries about money are over.

"City of Great Racks" - Season 5

Charlie and Linda (Ming Wen) are seriously dating, and it's only a matter of time before they consummate their relationship. While out on various dates with Linda, Charlie keeps thinking he sees Rose, or someone who closely resembles her with a different hairstyle.

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He becomes so obsessed with the idea that Rose is everywhere that it drives him back to the therapist's office.

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His therapist (Jane Lynch) tells him that he has feelings for Rose and that she represents an unconscious desire for him to retreat into to his juvenile relationships.

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Back then, Rose allowed him to be anything he wanted to be and still loved him the way he was. If he does nothing to resolve these issues, he's doomed to a lifetime of shallowness.

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Charlie jumps on a plane to find Rose in London.

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She's still crazy about him, and asks him to make a commitment to her. Unknown to Charlie, Rose's flat in London is filled with different color wigs, proving she was stalking Charlie in Los Angeles all along. Lucky for him, he comes to his senses and heads home on the next flight out.